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sometimes research isn't good.

I'm a researcher, bookworm whatever life throws at me... i read about it. it's just my way.
So I started reading on unspecified cancer.   wrong move.  Go ahead.. google unspecified cancer or cup syndrome.   it's not good.   sigh.
I decided to get away from the depressing and started reading on charities and how donations are used.  I've gone from depressing reading to just downright irritating.  Basically, the money you give goes to education, paper and research.  Not bad,  but not a dime goes to help the families that need it.  or to fund programs that would be helpful.   it's just not cool at all.

and if any one wants to help with a donation or can share...  this is a give forward link for keith

it feels like forever...

In internet world a few years is forever.

I decided to come back simple because i need an outlet.

The saying "If you're going through Hell, keep going" is apropos at the moment, but some days are so amazingly difficult, just getting out of bed has become torturous.

Keith has cancer.  Unspecified.  No prognosis, no staging.  This is round two for him.  The first time, text book, classic Hodgkin's Lymphoma, stage 3a.  Good prognosis.  Very specific chemo.  6 months later... all gone.  This time.  Where to begin?  Since the have no clue where the primary origin is, no specific chemo.  Just a broad spectrum, kinda like a z pack of chemo.  After 2 rounds and a cat scan, we're told " the tumors are shrinking but not as much as they should be by this point."  So two more rounds and another cat scan.  If they still aren't shrinking aggressively, possible radiation.  Which is not a good thought, since two of the tumors at the base of his neck are wrapped around everything important.

Mentally, this info does not put one in a good place.  At all.

Add to that, dealing with Disability.  Oh the Joy! NOT!  Unspecified cancer is on the compassionate Allowance list...YAY!  Guess what, you still have to wait 6 months from diagnosis to get paid!  

Then add a letter from social services saying your insurance will be cancelled as of the end of the month...ummm Say what?  I just renewed it???   Oh well it's a glitch in the system, you're both still active.  Really?? I need extra stress!!

But wait there's more!  I get to go to work and try to be Fast, Fun and Friendly every day.  And try to support a family of 4 on Tarjay pay!  oh Goodie!!!

Some days it's hard to be hopeful.  Some days I want to scream, or fall apart.  Some days.... just suck.

Today... yeah one of those days.  I feel alone. I feel like I have no where to turn.  I have no idea what else to do.  I used to be able to talk to my husband.  I can't add my yuckiness to his pain. 


So I started at target.  yay.  it was a very strange orientation.  did some paperwork, watched some videos.  Other than "after 90 days you are eligible for benefits" not a word was said regarding when you get paid, what the benefits are or even if direct deposit is available.  Mind you there were 12 of us for orientation, and that seemed to throw them a bit. 
This isn't gonna get us a lot of money, but it will help.  I just wish it would help sooner.  The lottery, a loan shark or a miracle would be nice right a bout now.
oh well.


I am very very pleased that I live in CT in respect to homeschooling. It is a right reserved to parents and the state of Connecticut, while some people don't agree, allows parents to go for it.
I am on quite a few sites for homeschooling parents and one of the list owners posted this blog  this morning...
wow, you just gotta wonder about some people.


What's your guilty pleasure?

I read an article in the latest Family Circle, that guilty pleasures are good... you know the ones that you try to hide from everyone else.  The author's... pistachio pudding.  Some that were mentioned, cereal with chocolate milk, ice cream covered in nuked peanut butter and just all around oddball sandwiches.
Mine...  freshly made chocolate pudding with whipped cream, not so bad you say.  But no, I must have it while it is still really hot, almost soupy so that the whipped cream melts and I have this mess of chocolate and cream in my bowl.

so!  what's yours?


Keith and I have been on StumbleUpon forever...
thought i'd share this one..


Which Goddess lurks in your soul?

Which Goddess lurks in your soul?


You are a wise one, my dear! Athena is the Greek Goddess of wisdom, disciplined war, philosophy and knowledge. She is a selective Goddess, as she only inhabits those of your high intelligence and keenness to learn great things. You’re usually not seen without a book in your hand or your eyes glued to the internet (which is, after all, the great information highway!). This should not suggest that you don’t enjoy people, as your cleverness and sharp wit are usually in full force when in a social situation, to everyone’s delight.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests
Merry Christmas... may you all have a happy, healthy and safe holiday.

April 9th 2009

this is more for myself so I don't lose this recipe....

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So I was on stumbleUpon again this morning.  I found a site titled "Surprising things you can get for free"  One of the items was silver jewelry.  I figured I'd check it out.  Basically, you can get quality silver jewelry for shipping/handling of $6.99.  The pieces are very nice.  I plan to try it out.  Thought I'd share....   Silver Jewelry Club   Enjoy!